“Excuse me, is this Caleb West? Mr. West?”

“Yes, miss?” I organized the cash into the sleek, cold cash register after the previous consumer had left.

“Mr. Tucker wants to talk with you. Go to his office when you are free.” Her voice, whoever she is, maybe Mr. Tucker’s secretary I suppose, was just as indifferent as the cash register and everything at here despite of the warm sunshine in Monday morning.

“Got it.”

She showed up an eerie expression as the clacks of high heels waned.

Few minutes later a mid-age women stepped in with her child who is still wobbling and unbalanced. They did not many choose many things just like a normal housewife would buy – cereals, diapers, and sometimes ingredients for dinner. Maybe I could wait until they checkout because there would be no staff if I go to my boss’s office now, and most importantly, after that is when I would be completely ‘free’ just as the women said.

“Mr. West.” I gawked at the title yearningly on his desk General manager.

“Um… Yes?”

“Didn’t I just tell you come to office when you are free?”

“Of course you did. And now I’m here. Completely free.” I tried to make a photogenic smile.

“Look, this is where your problem is. I have enduring you for month and tried to give you chances out of mercy, but having mental illness doesn’t mean you can put yourself in indulgent. Perhaps you should learn how to fit in this society.”

“Mr. West. You’re fired.”

“But… I am trying to do what you tell me! You maniac!”

“I am sorry, please watch your language, Mr. West. You’re fired.”

The sky sulk and began to drizzle on my cheek.

==========

Several days after I had appointed a therapist because maybe finding someone to talk would let me feel better. Actually, I do not know for sure. Since the car accident that put me in coma for month and caused my mental illness at the age of fourteen had seemingly driven everyone away from me, including counsellors at school and doctors at hospitals. I still did not get it. I did not even know what the world is expecting from me. What did they want from me? What? Humor? Charm? Intelligence? I got neither of them. Maybe the same thing would happen on the therapist I appointed I suppose.

I had been told to stay in a clean, drill room while waiting for my therapist. 3:10. She should be here now.

“I’m Dr. Atkins. You can just call me Jessie if you want.” A scent of berry suddenly wafted in.

“Caleb West.” I casted out a polite smile.

“How’s going today, Mr. West?”

“Well, I just got fired few days ago. Sound depressing, uh? This morning I just got up and staring my bleak face though the mirror. I didn’t know what to do. I don’t even get why am I ridiculously fired! So in the midday I had nothing to do then I realized that no…”

“Mr. West.” Jessie must know that I was trying retraining my tears. It was as if my face was on fire.

“In this case, we don’t need to reply with every thing we’ve done today.” She almost burst out a chuckle. Is she mocking me? Anyway, that was actually quite cute with her delicate face.

“We normally say things like fine, well, pretty good. You know, just something brief.” I do not know.

“So… could you possibly tell me the night that caused your illness?”

“I think that’s it for today, Mr. West. Thank you for telling me your story. Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself.”  “Be positive.” She remarked deliberately.

I had never seen a warm smile for me. Not even from parents.

“Pleasure, Dr. Atkins.” I replied.

==========

Since then I had been seeing Jessie in every Wednesday afternoon. She always told to start with one of my stories whether from childhood, adolescence, or nowadays. Without a doubt I usually started with my troubling years in high school because that was when I got my illness. Jessie would listen intently throughout the stories without saying a word, but once I was so dejected that tears just burst out at the half way of the story. Whether finished or not, we would then have a little conversation on solving problems and properly responding to people if she thought I was doing the wrong thing like once I replied “It’s okay.” when Jessie said “Your welcome.” I still did not get it why that could be wrong. Anyway, at the very end of the course Jessie would always use her irresistible smile and say “Be positive.”.

==========

“Nice to see you smiling, Caleb. Is there something exciting?”

“Ha ha. No, no.” I just want to hurtle up to Jessie every time I saw that petite figure.

“I think you are improving day by day.”

“So,” She sat down at a high back mesh chair.

“Tell me more about yourself. Tell me what happened recently.”

“Okay…” I scoured all over my head to find some words.

“Well, recently I’ve been looking jobs from online. Everyday I’ve submit hundreds of CVs, but not a single company replied to me yet! Not even a single! Am I that uncompetitive? I don’t even know…” I petered out.

“Caleb.” Jessie’s sober voice yanked me back from my monologue.

“I know. Let’s take a walk together. Perhaps you’ll feel better.” She stood up and moved towards to the door.

We went to a park few blocks away and indulge ourselves in the summer breeze. There was one time or two when her glossy, straight hair drifted and covered half of her face by the breeze. Then I had to tug my hands back to stop the impulse from moving her tempting hair aside. I could barely veil my feelings for her.

“Hundreds of CVs in a day.” Rubbing her chin, Jessie squinted her eyes deliberately.

“How about trying to choose the jobs you might enjoy?” She suggested.

“For example?” I tilted my head. Would I ever relish from doing a job?

“For example – like storyteller or voice actor?”

“I mean, you might still have to work on how to response to people, but I find you eloquent when telling stories. Just be positive.” She dipped her head. Faced down. I could not tell whether she was shy or just trying to be supportive.

“Thanks. I’ll try that out tonight with my best.”

In a glimpse I realized there was a jagged line running through her legs where she was staring at.

“Where’s that from? What happened to you?” I blurt out brusquely and almost exclaimed.

 “What?”

“The scar. That flesh-colored skin mark on your leg.”

“I don’t see any of them.” She bumbled and turned herself in another position. I knew Jessie was avoiding eye contact.

“You’ve got to tell me. Tell me.”

“You know what? Here’s another lesson, Caleb. Sometimes it is the best to keep your mouth quite, for not revealing another scar that is deep inside.” Her voice shivered.

Another scar? Could there be a scar in another scar? I’ve never heard of such nonsense.

We then walked abreast without a single word.

“Jess!” Jessie and I whirled back simultaneously.

“What in the world are you doing here? Strolling around with your patient with the excuse of ‘working’?” The tall, wiry stumble towards us.

“No…” Jessie petered out.

“Let’s go now.” He jerked her away with a forceful grasp.

“And you. Go back where you should be. You sneaky fox.”

The man shoved Jessie into his black hardtop before I could yelp for any help.

==========

Another Wednesday had arrived. I had too much to ask Jessie. The scar, the man, and the riddle I suppose. Most importantly, I needed to thank Jessie since I had got a job as a kindergarten assistant that I had to read stories for those little children.

“Can I help you, sir?” The women at the register asked.

“Yes. I have an appointment with Dr. Atkins at 3:00.”

“Sorry, Dr. Atkins has been away for few minutes. You might need to wait for her.”

I looked around then fixed on a car. The same hardtop from yesterday. Jessie must be in there.

“Jessie?” I tapped on the pitch black window.

“Where have you been? Join in!”

==========

When I woke up I found myself tied on a chair. Jessie was beside me. I looked upon this elegant house – not luxurious, but pretty refined. Then on the wooden wall there was a photo of Jessie with the same man in white. They were married.

“So, did you have fun with Jess every week?”

“No! It’s not what you think!”

“Yea. Because you are working in this house whereas I don’t, so you think you can manage everything. Even an affair. I’m nothing!”

“Stop harming me again. Please, Grant. Please.”

“I’m dumb and useless like a little puppy.”

“What do you say, Mr. West?” He pointed his chiseled chin towards me.

The whole room turned silent for a few second.

“Be positive.” I broke the silence.

“What is wrong with…”

“Be positive.” I managed to let my words to have more determination in them.

“Look, Mr. Atkins. I’ve been down the same road as you before. I know how that feels.”

“No. You don’t”

“Yes, I know. I know the pain when whole world left you and you option but stare outside of the window. I know the twinge when everyone looks down to you as a stray dog. And yet you still cannot figure out why your life is such a wreck.”

Tears rolled down from his cheeks.

“Then I found positiveness thanks to Jessie. The thing is simple: I’m just coward who doesn’t face up to failure and reality.”

“I managed to stand up again. I put my utmost effort in every attempt I made, so I get back my job” A strike of amazement shone through Jessie’s eyes.

“And that’s basically what we were working on.”

Grant fell into his knees, murmuring.

==========

A week later I had a talk with Jessie through phone. She said that she was going to move away with Grant; she realized that she had been to focused on her work that she never pay attention to his husband. I replied that it was okay since I was getting more stable, and I had found a job.

“I wish you for the best, Caleb.”

“Thanks. I’ve learned a lot from you.”

“Your welcome.”

There was a subtle silence between us.

“Wow, you really leaned a lot. Remember the first few courses you replies ‘It’s okay.’ with my ‘Your welcome.’?”

We both chuckled.

“Well, I think that’s it. Good luck with you and Grant!”